them
Her face seemed very lost in her thoughts. I could feel from her eyes that she was trying to connect all the dots of her thoughts to finally make sense of it and talk about it. her foot was restlessly tapping to the nervous rhythm of her mind. and she finally spoke "you know what, I wish if I could shed layers of me like snakes and be myself. it's like everyone has this idea of me when they hear my name. it drives me crazy and I don't want to exist in that bubble of an idea they have created for the identity I own". she said this in a tensed tone. I couldn't make much of it as she always talks about things like this without head or tail. she does tell me things, yet she is very unknown to me.
"What's wrong hon ?" I asked."
"I don't know dude. its this pressure from people, society, responsibilities, expectations. it's like I have to run in this unknown race with everyone, nobody has any idea why we are doing so and to what or away from what we are running. it's like we have to fulfil this standard metrics of things that people have created for us. it's tiring. I wish if I could speak my mind without any filters, I wish if people listened rather than assuming things that they want to hear. I think I'm afraid to fail, afraid of rejections, so I end up distancing myself from all the things or people that I want. I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why does my mind become very' cloudy and dark. I can't handle this anymore. I need help" she said with shaking voice
"hmmm... I'm always here for you girl, every one of our age goes through this messed up phase. I don't know if anyone does anything about it I mean people don't address these things and even if we do, its gonna either be brushed off as silly or they end up giving labels. this place is messed up, the people are messed up, everything is programmed to benefit a certain group of people. and the rest of us keeps running, for a race that will always be unknown to us. I wish if I didn't know things, so that my worries would have been like ‘what would I wear today or who will I hang out with'. being cynical is a blessing at times. you get instant gratification and happiness. it's not the same when you are aware of all chaos happening around and you can't do anything about it. it's depressing. I don't know why did I tell all this to you." I said with a sigh.
she stared at me for a while in silence, but her eyes seemed like she is speaking a lot, telling me things that are forbidden to say aloud. I wish if I could make sense of it but I couldn’t. I just watched her expressive eyes with awe. after a while she exhaled a deep breath and said "yeah, hmm.. thanks for being here for me. nobody listens to all this crap I say you know. hmm.. you getting late for the shoot, you should be leaving, take care hon. you are unique.
I smiled at her faintly. I didn’t feel like going, I wanted to listen to her for long, and find me through her. but the world moves fast, and I have to keep running to keep up with it or else I'll fall behind. I hope to be her someday, I hope to fulfil all her dreams and to seek answers for all her questions and take her to the place that she always wanted to go. I squeezed all things thoughts into a faint smile and slowly got up from that dressing table and walked away to a world that is mine yet very foreign to me, to a world where there are so many people but yet I am alone. Walk away from the girl who is trapped inside the other end of the mirror.
"What's wrong hon ?" I asked."
"I don't know dude. its this pressure from people, society, responsibilities, expectations. it's like I have to run in this unknown race with everyone, nobody has any idea why we are doing so and to what or away from what we are running. it's like we have to fulfil this standard metrics of things that people have created for us. it's tiring. I wish if I could speak my mind without any filters, I wish if people listened rather than assuming things that they want to hear. I think I'm afraid to fail, afraid of rejections, so I end up distancing myself from all the things or people that I want. I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why does my mind become very' cloudy and dark. I can't handle this anymore. I need help" she said with shaking voice
"hmmm... I'm always here for you girl, every one of our age goes through this messed up phase. I don't know if anyone does anything about it I mean people don't address these things and even if we do, its gonna either be brushed off as silly or they end up giving labels. this place is messed up, the people are messed up, everything is programmed to benefit a certain group of people. and the rest of us keeps running, for a race that will always be unknown to us. I wish if I didn't know things, so that my worries would have been like ‘what would I wear today or who will I hang out with'. being cynical is a blessing at times. you get instant gratification and happiness. it's not the same when you are aware of all chaos happening around and you can't do anything about it. it's depressing. I don't know why did I tell all this to you." I said with a sigh.
she stared at me for a while in silence, but her eyes seemed like she is speaking a lot, telling me things that are forbidden to say aloud. I wish if I could make sense of it but I couldn’t. I just watched her expressive eyes with awe. after a while she exhaled a deep breath and said "yeah, hmm.. thanks for being here for me. nobody listens to all this crap I say you know. hmm.. you getting late for the shoot, you should be leaving, take care hon. you are unique.
I smiled at her faintly. I didn’t feel like going, I wanted to listen to her for long, and find me through her. but the world moves fast, and I have to keep running to keep up with it or else I'll fall behind. I hope to be her someday, I hope to fulfil all her dreams and to seek answers for all her questions and take her to the place that she always wanted to go. I squeezed all things thoughts into a faint smile and slowly got up from that dressing table and walked away to a world that is mine yet very foreign to me, to a world where there are so many people but yet I am alone. Walk away from the girl who is trapped inside the other end of the mirror.
I like it.. Specially in this world where you can't even choose, not to reveal yourself!
ReplyDeleteTurn your 5 senses inward. You can feel the ultimate blissfulness. As far as you run, you will never reach anywhere.
ReplyDeleteAlways far from yourself. Bounded by expectations and dreams. But there is somewhere that nobody intrudes you.somewhere that no expectations an d prejudices.
Its here. Here only.